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NOTE 20. Lounge Lizards, Weak Wastrels, & Forgetters

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Chapter 20, Lounge Lizards, Weak Wastrels and Forgetters, May 17, 2002

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Pity the businessman who hires someone just out of school.

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Most graduating seniors have lived a lush life in college, after living a lazy life

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in high school and a goof-off life before that.

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Graduating seniors know all about credit cards, popular culture, web surfing, internet chat

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and PC Politics, but next to nothing about what used to be called the work ethic.

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In short, they are worse than useless to the world of commerce.

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What follows is a primer in 500 words, easy rules for how new workers can go from worthless

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to super valuable with nothing other than a change of attitude.

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The current job market is tight, which makes it look very much like most job markets in

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human history.

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It doesn't seem possible, but this is the number one fact about work that new hires

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do not seem to understand, so let me repeat it.

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People are not paid because they finished school.

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They are not paid because they got through the job application process.

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They are not paid simply because they now enjoy a new job title.

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They are not paid so that the firm can enjoy the privilege of their presence.

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People are not paid for any of these reasons, or at least they are not paid for any of these

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reasons for very long.

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They are paid for only one reason, to make the firm more productive than it would be

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in their absence.

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Moreover, if workers hope to keep their position and improve it, their contribution to the

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I recall once when I was working in retail at the age of 16.

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The manager came by and told me and another employee to straighten up some messy products

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on a shelf.

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After the manager walked on, my co-worker turned to me and said, I don't straighten

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shelves for minimum wage.

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A few weeks later, of course, he wasn't getting minimum wage to do anything because he was

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New workers need to understand that they are mostly overpaid, even vastly overpaid.

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The employer is making an investment in hopes that you will become more valuable over time.

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The point is that you must always strive to be worth more to the firm than you are paid

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to be.

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Beyond understanding this elementary point, there are only five simple rules for getting

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If you do not, you had better hope for a job in the government, join a union or aspire to fulfill a quota. Here they are.

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3. Work diligently to the point of discomfort and without interruption or complaint.

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4. Complete all tasks in a timely manner, meaning as soon as possible.

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5. If you run out of assigned tasks, look for other jobs to do that help others and the firm.

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That's it. Five rules to a happy, productive job, to a happy, productive life.

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Do these sound absurdly commonplace? Perhaps. Why, then, are most all-new workers, and many

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old workers, unable to understand them, or unable to follow through with them? It seems

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that people can pass their 22nd birthday these days without ever having encountered a setting

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where these things are expected of them. There are a few more don'ts, too. Don't get involved in

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and Office Politics, Don't overstep the bounds of your authority, Don't envy the pay or

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working conditions of others, Don't be a smart aleck.

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But these are just the finer points.

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The main point is to learn to be valuable to others by listening and following through.

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It's on this simple point where so many fail.

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I know a wise man who's said that there are three types of losers in the world.

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The Lounge Lizard, The Weak Waist Roll and The Forgetter

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Adhere to the five great rules of work and you will be none of these.

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You will be immensely valuable to a business and therefore to the world.

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You will be constantly on the march toward better and better jobs.

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You will be happy.

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You will be financially successful.

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You will be loved, appreciated and admired.

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In any case, you won't be a loser. If you turn out to be, blame no one but yourself.