Three cheers for petty concerns.
My seven-year-old daughter asked me the other day whether I was born before email.
Yes, I confessed.
Then she quickly followed up, Were you born before plastic?
No, I said I was born after plastic, but before email.
Satisfied that she had placed me within the structure of the history of the world, she
went back to her weekend play.
There is important truth here that this tribe and not that tribe controls Kabul isn't the
kind of thing that changes our lives, so it's hard to understand the hysteria.
What really drives forward the data of history as we know it are the products we use in everyday
life, things like the computer, the DVD or the CD burner.
These simple and so-called petty economic concerns, not war and politics, are what define
in Progress, and distinguish one generation from another.
Thus, it is extremely newsworthy that baby bells are suffering because everyone is cancelling
his second phone line – what with the advent of high-speed internet access.
Turns out that the second phone line schtick was big business for these little monopolists.
Other ominous signs include the tendency of college kids, and even small businesses, choosing
Having the cell phone only option, just like they do in the third world.
Now, tell the truth, isn't this more interesting than the latest squabbles between the Tajiks
and the Pashtuns in that other planet we call the Middle East?
So, let's talk about the trends that really matter.
The first one concerning fast food, and the second one dealing with the colour of our
teeth.
There are revolutions taking place in both sectors that will transform our lives within
The Fast Food Revolution begins at Arby's, that's right, that old fuddy-duddy of a
fast food outlet founded in 1964 that hasn't even been in the running during the wars that
have pitted Burger King against McDonald's.
The idea of a hot roast beef sandwich was big stuff in the 1970s, but it's been downhill
ever since.
Even during the market hysteria of 1998, the Tri-Ark Restaurant Group, which also owns
Arby's, TJ Cinnamons and the Pasta Connection suffered startling blows with the value of
the invested dollar falling by half.
In 1999, Arby's captured only 3.9% of the fast food market.
Does anyone really look forward to an Arby's?
It's only what you eat if you can't find any other outlet where the drive-through lines
are short.
Now to the big news. Arby's revolutionary Market Fresh Sandwich. It may be the greatest
sandwich you have ever tasted. And this is not hyperbole. Whoever came up with this sandwich,
first introduced in May 2001, is a genius. A person who thinks completely outside the
box as they say. It is a radical departure from everything that has ever defined Arby's.
or fast food itself, for that matter.
There are no warming lights, no greasy buns, and no wilted lettuce.
You open the wrapper, and it's a deli-style wrapper, to find a magnificent meal, a thing
of beauty, stacked high with all fresh ingredients.
It comes on whole grain bread, and contains real Swiss cheese, sweet red onions, and fancy
honey mustard.
With the first bite you will swoon with delirium.
You have finally found the perfect lunch, a sandwich to rival the best New York deli
at fast food prices under five dollars.
Not only that, but there is no waiting.
The sandwich is sitting right there for you to pick up in an instant.
It comes in four varieties and every one is fantastic.
Roast beef in Swiss, roast turkey in Swiss, roast ham in Swiss, and roast chicken Caesar.
To ensure quality, the company decided in favor of a national distribution of the ingredients
on solid grounds, that they didn't trust the quality of local produce.
I was so astonished by the quality that I did an informal look around the restaurant
to see who else had ordered this item.
It turns out that more than two-thirds of the patrons had the market fresh on the table.
And just talking to a few people, it was clear that they had the same impression I had, that
this is an incredibly good meal.
Now Arby's has started a second round of national promotion for this item, based on interviews
with real customers.
If this takes off, and how can it not, think what this could mean for the whole industry.
McDonald's will have to follow suit, then Burger King, then Wendy's, and then everyone else.
Still, in the end, Arby's will remain the leader, simply because they were the first
past the post.
The delis and deli chains are going to suffer some serious competition.
And the political left, which has been fulminating against the great American hamburger for a
decade, won't know what to do.
The fast food nation, as the title of a book by some leftist prig puts it, will be eating
a completely different product supplied in the same capitalist manner that put the hamburger
on the map.
One can never tire of watching with amazement at how the market responds to consumer demands
with new innovations.
Thus, we come to the second example of the great revolution of our times, teeth whitening
Making strips, as introduced by Crest this past summer, a box costs between $30 and $40.
These simple strips contain hydrogen peroxide and are worn on the teeth for 30 minutes at
a time, twice a day, for two weeks.
They turn your teeth pearly white, thus achieving every consumer's dream that has been promised,
but never delivered, by the toothpaste industry for 30 years.
The effect lasts for six months, and then you have to do it again.
They are now available in every pharmacy, and they have become so popular that they
are put in the checkout stands at grocery stores.
The phenomenon first appeared to me about a month ago, when someone I've known for
years smiled, and I noticed that his teeth were incredibly white.
I happened to comment on it, and he revealed the great secret.
Then I was at the flower shop and noticed that the checkout lady had sparkling white
teeth.
Then I began to take greater notice and saw that every student at the university library
was walking around with super white teeth and everyone seemed utterly smiley.
Now the South is a smiley place to begin with, but these strips have made it even more so.
You wonder if these strips could even enact something of a cultural revolution in crabby
We all know that when you laugh, the whole world laughs with you, whereas you cry alone.
But soon the whole world will have every reason to smile as widely as possible.
Soon stained teeth could become odd, and even regarded as unsanitary.
Thus the advent of teeth-whitening strips could be as revolutionary as the invention
of deodorant itself.
I know the neoconservatives and state builders say concerns like this are, quote, petty.
They would rather us live in a world where people think only about building the warfare
state and sacrificing for the common good, where we huddle up to dream about sending
our youngsters off to fly bombers and kill enemies of the nation state.
Not I.
To me, the great society is the one that loves inexpensive deli sandwiches and the whitest
teeth in the history of the world and relies on voluntary market cooperation to get them.
I envy the generation born after today that can brag that it came after teeth whitening
strips, fast food deli sandwiches and CD burners.
I'm willing to bet that six months from now, not even the people of Afghanistan will speak
of the liberation of Kabul from the Taliban as a decisive moment in the history of the
world.